When you see or hear or touch something, how do you know what it is and what to do about it?

The first time you encounter a new object or event you search your memory for something to compare it to. You may even puzzle over it for a while until you find some explanation.

If you remember something similar then you classify these together and just remember the differences.

If  you do not remember something similar then you start a new classification or you may have a temporarily unknown classification.

The next time you encounter that same object you retrieve the information much faster than the first time. And each subsequent retrieval comes faster and faster until at some point you are not even aware of thinking about the object or event.

Think about driving a car. Do you still search for the brake when you need to stop. Remember when you first learned to drive you probably were a little nervous that you would find the pedal and brake on time.

So while you are puzzling about what an event or object is, you are comparing what you are experiencing to what you have experienced before.

You choose the response to the current experience. You can let an old inappropriate program run or you can choose to do something different.

One of the tests that I use to show that each person does choose how they behave is to have two people do the same thing.

So if your child came up to you with an angry tone of voice and held out a piece of paper to you say "What is this?" would you react the same way if your boss came up to you  using the same tone of voice?

My guess is you would react differently. That proves that you can choose your response in any situation.

You may well ask where I am going with this.

Your thoughts, your responses and feelings are all yours to control. You choose what to think and how to feel. You associate and give meaning to what you experience.

You are responsible for all your thoughts, and the meaning you give to your experiences. It's your mind. The thoughts and memories and meanings are all within the confines of your head. You choose where to file them whether your choices are wise or not.

Many of the the things we learned we experienced before we were old enough to quite understand their meaning.

For example, our first experience with being annoyed may have be when Mother was late feeding us or changing our diapers. From then on we may have associated waiting with annoyance.  That became an automatic program that decides how we respond whenever we were made to wait.

Now as mature adults we have an obligation to examine all of these automatic responses, all of our automatic rules and beliefs and attitudes. We can never escape our responsibly for our behavior.

A belief is a rule that we decide is true without full proof. Beliefs are all your rules about how you choose to give meaning to your thoughts. Prejudices are an example of a belief. 

We must all make assumptions to get on with life. We must all make judgements to get through our normal day-to-day living.

But, whenever we get the opportunity to compare our beliefs, assumptions and judgements with reality, we need to be prepared to upgrade our programs.

Every thought we have, every action we take, creates chemical reactions in our body. These are felt as feelings and emotions. These in turn triggers the memory of how we behaved in  similar circumstances. If we encounter these same circumstances often, the pattern of behaviour becomes a habit.

An Aside - In The Courts

It often leaves me wondering why the courts accept the defense that a criminal is not responsible because of how and where he was raised. If he is capable of making a judgement and is not criminally insane then he is fully responsible for his behavior. If he were unable to make a judgement of any kind the courts would rule as either insane or a minor or equivalent.

Our Basic System

We as humans are governed by our moods.

What affects us most are our emotions and feelings. Feelings are what we experience physically as a result of our emotions.

Our emotions and feelings are a result of how we think about our experiences. The meaning we give to those experiences in our minds determine our emotions and feelings.

Language is important. How you choose to talk about something, whether in a negative or positive way will affect how you feel. Language begins as thoughts and words in you mind.

Those thoughts and words are given meaning in your mind and affect your emotions and feelings.

As we progress along our life journey, we gather experiences through our five senses. Some say we have a sixth sense,  our sense of balance. 

As we experience new events we compare with our existing memories and check against our beliefs. We create a map of the world based on this memories and believes.

Our map of the world is how we react to the world around us. And, as NLP is so fond of reminding us, A map is not the same as the territory.

Your beliefs about the world,  the meaning you give to your perception of the world is your interptation of Reality. A memory of a dog is not the same as a dog.

Out of habit we seek to prove our beliefs. Often we just look for evidence that confirms of our beliefs and discard any proof to the contrary.

Sometimes we distort the experience to fit our map of the world. Other times, we do not bother gathering enough evidence to we generalize from one example.

Our  memories are stored as images, sounds and words. And, since we give  meaning to the world by imagining , we can also change our responses but they use of our imagination.

When we remember something we recall images, sounds, words, scents and emotions. All of these become attached to that memory. That also includes all your rules about how you choose to give meaning to your thoughts.

We make our reality by generalizing, distorting and deleting information from our physical experiences. We make the information fit our map of the world. Our idea of the world is an imaginary model in our minds.

Fear and Reality

Rational fear is the fear we feel if our lives are threatened. Irrational fear, like the fear of public speaking, which does not threaten our being, is imaginary. 

For example, we imagine the fear of public speaking. In our normal, day-to-day North American lives, no one is going to threaten our lives just for making a speech.

So we have attached a meaning to an event that creates fear in us. You choose to attach that meaning. It may have become automatic to the point where you seem to no longer have a choice.

One possible way to change that is to focus on what you are doing while speaking. Focus on a system of presentation, your voice tonality, your pronunciation.

Members of the audience are too focused on themselves to be aware of how you feel. Focus on entertaining your audience to get them to hear your message.

Happiness and Reality

Happiness, pleasure, joy call it what you may. You find joyful meaning in whatever experiences you have.

Were you ever abused? Lost a mate?  Suffered through some catastophe? You can stay focused on that event all your life. In the meantime, your life is passing and you are missing important moments along your journey. Or you can just to live life now, in the moment. It may console you when you realize that many of us have had similar experiences. You are not alone.

Life, as with happiness, is lived in the moment. If a moment is not especially enlightening or joyful then you can change that. Direct your focus to happier times then remember and be grateful for what you have now and have experienced.

If you have lost someone you loved, remember that you experienced love and perhaps were loved in return. Take strength from the joy and bring it into your enjoyment now.

Embrace life fully, knowing that you can weather the storms and bathe in it's joy in more peaceful times.  Life is not all positives.

The Whole Man

Some believe that we are rational beings. However, rational, emotional, spiritual and physical are one whole. The division is a linguistic device and not a real one. It is just a way of talking to identify features of a whole.

We are not just rational. We cannot separate ourselves from our emotional being. We think and test our thoughts then bury them in our memory with all the associations in our mind.

Being creative involves the whole man not just spiritual or rational. Being creative is who we are. Thinking is a tool that we can learn to advance ourselves. Our thinking is our justification of who we are.  We are as much a part of our own map as we are a part of the world.

The model we carry in our head is in our living mind. No one else knows what is there. No one else can change it unless we agree. We choose.

It is from this model that we interpret every experience we have and answer any question we are asked.