I like to answer questions on a mental health forum I often go to. At first, I got bored answering the same questions over and over.

I wondered why they just did not do a search on the forum to find the same answers they were getting.

Then I remembered my rule. For any action there are many explanations. I can not read anyone else's mind.

So I changed my attitude. After all, I am in control of what I think. What I think is my attitude.

There are many reasons why a person might not do a search. They may want a personalized answer to their specific problem. They are looking for sympathy. The want empathy, someone who understands what they are going through. They believe that no one else feels exactly as they do or has the exact same combination of feelings and emotions

Whatever they believe, that change in my attitude made it a challenge. It meant I had to be more careful when I read the questions to find what the person was actually saying.

Sometimes you can see exactly how they think. They use words that expose a logic that isn't working for them. For example, someone asked "How do I get help being depressed?"

Now that jumps right out at you. "Why would you want help being depressed?" So you have to carefully maneuver your thought pattern to help them realize that their logic is causing them to feel the way they do.

I empathize a bit and usually ask them a question that turns their question into the answer an answer that may be more useful, an answer based on my own experiences.

Life is made of both positive and negative. We need to balance our views and perceptions.

What goes on in your mind has to go through your eyes and ears. So what happens to that information once it gets into your mind? And if you are focusing on just the black edges and ignoring the shiny white ones?

Extremes and exaggerations are a warning that our thinking is going in directions not good for mental health.

And, if we are comparing our lives to ones that are more glamorous then we are experiencing are we defining expectations we may not immediately achieve?

If we are constantly saying to ourselves that we are worthless then we are in need of examining our methods of valuing ourselves. We need to stop and see if there is proof of what we say in reality or if we are just making ourselves more miserable because we are look for those black edges.

Here are some typical questions and answers.

Q. I have a bad attitude that is causing anxiety and stress. I notice other people in my profession are friendly but my clients just leave me stone cold. I also have a bad habit of over eating. Will hypnosis help?

A. Yes hypnosis does help.

In fact you are doing it to yourself this very instant!

You are telling yourself to focus on the negative things about your job.

And if you repeat those often enough you hypnotize yourself into believing that is the way things are.

Do it going the other way. Only focus on what is good about the job and about the people.

Smile and nod your head at everyone. Pretty soon you will feel better and every one will think of you as friendly.

Then when you realize this, that you are a good person.  As you begin to feel better about yourself then you can focus on not using food to make you feel better.

Q. If you do get self conscious , what is it and why?

A. Being too aware of your own feelings. You are focusing on your feelings and taking the your attention away from what you are doing.

Talking to yourself in a way that is negative.

Talking to yourself in a way that is not realistic.

Putting yourself down.

Then having judged yourself as unworthy you also feel people will judge you that way.

To get over self consciousness you need to do the opposite of what you are doing.

Build your self-confidence. Focus on what you do well. Focus on your strengths.

Talk to yourself about your good experiences. Accept yourself as you are.

Be grateful for all you have. And congratulate yourself for doing those things well.

When you meet someone smile and listen to what they have to say. Once they mention something that interests you add some comment. Most casual conversations are not remembered 5 minutes afterward.

Most people are too self-focused to really notice what is going on in the other person. So if you are focused on them they will think of you as friendly.

Q.  I struggle with carrying on a conversation on the phone and my voice is flat and I seem unhappy. How do I change that?

A. Practice being happy before you get on the phone and start a conversation.

If you were a receptionist in a big company you would be trained to put on a smile.

You may be thinking "What! They can't see me!"

But smiling changes your mood and is very apparent on the phone.

I had to do a lot of phone work. Whenever there were problems to deal with on the phone I was called in to do it,  simply because I sounded so friendly.

My secret was very simple. Respect the person on the other end of the phone. They are just there to help you.

Smile all the time. Enjoy talking to the other person. There is a challenge in holding the other persons attention and entertaining them with your interest in them.

Use a word association game. She says "I bought some red shoes." You say, "I love the color red". She says "Did you see the move 'Love Story"? .... and you keep doing that. You get the idea.

Finally

Life isn't just a game but if you focus on others you sure can learn a lot and have fun doing it. Answering these questions gives me a feeling that I am helping others help themselves.