It seems too easy!

How we talk to ourselves, the exact words and phrases we use, affects how we think and feel. It is our thoughts expressed in words and images that creates our moods.

If you consciously always use the same type of exaggerated words in your mind whenever you are frustrated, very soon you will create an automatic response that will run whenever you are frustrated again.

Your unconscious mind will automatically run that not very useful program every time.  When you always think negative thoughts you are running a negative thought program.

Your unconscious mind sorts through all the memories and identifies the negative thoughts that you seem to always prefer and simply plays them back to you.

That is the first thing it gives you.

To change that program you need to develop a more positive habit of thinking. You need to practice being positive until your unconscious mind program always gives you positive ideas, words and images first.

So now sort past that first instinct to be negative and focus on the positive side of those words, images and thoughts. No, you are not denying your negative feelings, only getting a more balanced view by checking the positive aspects.

Not all negatives are bad and not all positives are good. They only need to be useful to get what you want.  If I meet a bear in the woods, saying "I can't stay here!" is going to be more useful than the positive.

Test this rule. When you wake up in the morning feeling even the least bit grumpy start telling yourself how well the day is going. First of all you need to believe that it is true.

Start telling yourself that you are grateful for your  family, your position in life and your friends.  Sing your favorite song. See yourself going through the whole day cheerful and friendly.  Tell yourself how much better you feel.

Then see if you still feel grumpy.

Of course if you immediately start telling yourself how bad you feel, or start to think about all the things that you have been letting worry you, or tell yourself it isn't going to work, then you will accomplish nothing.

You get what you believe. It is your mind.

It is very important listen to your inner voice, to hear the exact words that are used in that internal dialog.

I hear people go through their entire day saying F*** this and F*** that. These are people who are angry at everyone and everything including themselves.

They have yet to learn that what they tell themselves determines how they feel. While mind-reading is never useful, you can only imagine what their inner dialog is like.

The World is not going to change because you expect it to work the way you want it to work.

You  need to adapt if you want to find inner peace without worry, depression, stress or anxiety.

Some nervousness and anticipation about problems is normal.  Whenever you have a problem to solve you do what is required then immediately return to your more peaceful, happy and confident state.

Questioning The Mind

In the Feeling Good Handbook by Dr. David D. Burns, MD,  Dr. Burns lists 10 questions to help you think seriously about how you are talking to yourself.

1) How long have you been feeling this way.

2) Am I doing something constructive about the problem, or am I  simply brooding and avoiding it?

3) Are  my thoughts and feelings realistic?

4) Will it be helpful or hurtful if I express my feelings?

5) Am I making myself unhappy about a situation that's beyond my control?

6) Am I voiding a problem and denying that I'm really upset about it?

7) Are my expectations of the world realistic?

8) Am I feeling hopeless?

9) Are my expectations for myself realistic?

10) Am I experiencing a loss of self-esteem?

Even when we have the tools to think about our thinking habits, we are reluctant to use to them. We are afraid to change or afraid to discover that we bear full responsibility for our selves. Sometimes we prefer to blame someone or something else.

Another Tool - Going To Extremes

Another way of thinking and analyzing your thoughts is to write down something you believe is true. For example "I am worthless"

Change to the "I am worth everything." or "I am worth very much." Then, thinking about each statement write a new one that is more realistic. "I am worth something."

Always write the statement in a positive way.

For "It is hopeless" becomes "I have high expectations of the future" or "I am very hopeful." not "It is not hopeless."

Write your statements in three columns as "My belief", "Extreme Belief". "Realistic Belief". Now all you need to do is remind yourself of the realistic belief.

This method is so easy you can do it mentally whenever you put yourself down or exaggerate or turn something into a catastrophe.

For example, one phrase that is often used in my family "You always.... ignore me or forget or whatever. You can easily go to the extreme and say "You never...ignore me or forget." A more realistic statement would be "You sometimes ignore me or forget."

An example of a catastrophe is "This place is always a disaster." The extreme is "This place is always tidy." And, realistically "Sometimes this place is untidy."

Final Word

Take this seriously, believe that you can help yourself whenever you feel anxious or depressed by asking yourself questions.

Learn to trust and accept yourself, learning new tools will increase your confidence in your ability to cope. That is the basis of self-esteem and mental health.