Expecting Perfection

I feel like something is wrong with my mind.  Does this make any sense?
 
Until 9th grade I was fairly successful in school. I should be doing better than most people who are easily getting nearly straight A grades... yet, I struggle to get B. I'm not sure that I'll ever be able to recover.

However, since then, along with becoming depressed and socially anxious, I've begun to feel that I'm not actualizing my potential.

My writing lacks the flow it used to have...

I can't retain vocabulary if my life depends on it...

I simply can't comprehend geometry at all... but at times, I still feel like in some way, It feels like there's a part of my brain that I'm not accessing.

I'm not being elitist... it's really a feeling that I have.

Answer:

Yes I can see why you think there is something wrong in your mind.

You are expecting to be perfect.  You become unhappy when other people ignore your expectations.

You need to set an attainable standard that you can achieve within your abilities and skills. You are a human being, not a perfect being.

By what standard are you judging yourself that you think you should remember absolutely everything you learned in school?

Thinking yourself better because you have set a high standard that you can never achieve will not improve how you feel about yourself.

Obviously you are able to pass your classes. And I can read what you said, so you are able to write.

Two years after school you will have lost at least half of what you studied at school unless you use it often. Even the most clever engineer does not remember everything he learned.

In school you learn how to learn. You also learn how and when to find any additional material you may need.

Education gives you basic skills to get the job that you want.  Survival does not require a lot of information.

How you think about yourself and react to the world around you is equally important. That is what will determine how well you use what you have learned at school.

My Comments

There is a saying that "We judge others by their actions and ourselves by our intentions."

A perfectionist has not learned to accept that they are capable of making mistakes. The perfectionist believes that he rises above others by setting his standards so high that no mere mortal can achieve them. Then, he becomes anxious because he can never achieve those goals and because others do not judge him by his intentions.

No matter what you learned or were taught or experienced you can only see the world through your own eyes. And, you can only interpret through your own mind.

Your thoughts and beliefs are your own. They are not proof of anything except what goes on in your own mind.

Set yourself realistic standards and goals. Ask yourself if your goals are realistic and within your abilities. Ask yourself if what your are doing is realistic and prove that to yourself.