It seems as if almost every question is about anxiety or depression. No matter how you cut it, pills will not cure either.

You are responsible for learning to solve problems from various points of view. Thinking got you into the situation and thinking will get you out of it.

Sometimes when you start to worry about the future you begin to feel so inadequate.

Take, for example, the young 17 year old who writes, "I asked two girls out and they both stood me up. I'm such a failure. Now, I just want to end it all."

When I encounter this attitude I wonder just what we are teaching our kids. Is the new rule, "If at first you don't succeed then end it all"?

Those old cliches were not invented for nothing. They were very useful. So, while our educators are busy teaching our kids to read, write and do mathematics, just what are we doing?

To me it is shocking that in 2007 when we have discovered so much about our minds and how our parents or caregivers influence how we behave for the rest of our lives, that we can not take the time to ensure our children's mental health.

Sticking them in front of a computer or TV is not going to teach them to manage their thoughts, feelings and behavior.

My immediate answer to the 17 year old is to ask, "Is your rule that if you ask 2 girls for a date and they don't show then you are a failure?

Do something different. Ask 20 girls over the next week for a date. Each time try asking them in a different way until you get a date.

That is your goal. Find out different ways to approach girls by doing a web search. Remember to smile. If your shy a little bit that's OK too.

For shy guys, you need to develop the art of approaching women. The new cliche is "If at first you don't succeed, do it again differently until you do." Don't just try. That implies that you expect to fail.

You either succeed or you don't. So keep doing it and testing and changing your approach until you get a date. As you do, learn from any mistakes so that when you do succeed you will begin to feel very confident."

Anxiety and Depression

Too much unresolved anxiety leads to depression.

Sometimes the help I offer sounds like I am kicking someone who is down. The problem with writing about something is that the message is often too brief or suggests an attitude that is too self-focused.

For example, "I've always had anxiety dreams and they are getting worse. I've tried meditation, and it doesn't work. Help me please."

"Anxiety is a result of what you are doing during the day.

Anxiety dreams are your mind processing those events you have not yet handled.

To reduce stress turn off the TV and computer at least an hour and a half before bedtime.

Go for a long walk. Exercise is the great stress reliever. When you return do quiet activities before going to sleep."

But, Is It Genuine

You never know whether the question is serious or whether it is a bogus question. Supposedly we are helping people with genuine problems.

But, sometimes you get letters from someone who disagrees with you because you answered a question while they were pretending to be somebody else.

For example, "I am feeling very anxious and need help. I can't afford a doctor or therapist. Can anyone help me find help for free?"

This person was a therapist posing as a 15 year girl. When I suggested a self help book, which is now an acceptable form of therapy, he suggested that this was too serious to be handled in that way.

My reply to the therapist was that no matter what pills were recommended, in the end, we are each responsible for how we manage our thinking. If we want to be less anxious and become depressed less often, we need to learn new techniques.

The therapist agreed that this was true.

I have been there with anxiety and depression. And, it was a book that helped me, not the psychiatric or medical professions.

I too had to learn new ways of coping mentally. That is what mental health is all about.

When we learn to help ourselves, we no longer need to depend on others or on medications.