We always choose how we react.  Your anger is never the other person’s responsibility. You allow yourself to react by allowing yourself to think in a certain way.

Each person has their own ,sometimes heart-wrenching, story to tell. But, it is important to know that events that occur around you as a child are not about you, they are about the person or persons that are coping with their own lives. 

As children, we were totally dependent on our parents or caregivers. They were doing the best they could with the experiences they came through. In any event, they were the adults who should have known how their behaviour would affect their children. They were responsible for their own behaviour and thinking even though they were not aware.

"I needed to change my thinking. As children we are wired to go to our parents for sustenance and love. And to be nurtured. It's like going to the well, but, some parents wells are empty. But, they are not empty at us. They're just empty. And, I always took it that it was empty at me. It was a big awakening." Meredith Baxter in an interview with Beverly on Canada AM about acoholism and about thinking when you are victimized in an abusive relationship.

A victim is conditioned to think they deserve to be victimized because they are unlovable. But, it is not the victim that is responsible;a bully is totally responsible for their own thinking and behaviour.

In the same way, we are conditioned to believe that the other person is responsible for causing our anger. When, in fact, we can choose how we want to respond. There are many choices. You can make a joke, walk away, talk quietly. All are choices that are available to everyone in any situation.

As adults, we need to revisit our thinking when we were children. We need to realize that we were not to blame for our parents' or caregiver's behaviour. They were trying to cope with life as best they could, no matter how badly they were doing it.

We are all responsible for our actions, reactions and thinking. Drugs and alcohol are just a way of putting off decisions and not holding yourself responsible. Change requires revisiting sometimes painful events that, let's face it, we really do not want to relive even in our faulty memories.

So own up to your responsibilities. Only you know your true mind. Take full responsibility for it.