Wanting to change is the starting point.

First you must understand and accept that you want to change. You must understand and accept full responsibility for what you want to change. No one can change you unless you are prepared to accept change.

1. Identify what it is you want to change. Change comes about as a result of insight. That ah-ha moment when you recognize that something has changed in your thinking to make you see yourself in a different light or from a different point of view.

2. Examine your opinions about that which you want to change. This requires you to mentally examine your opinions and beliefs. Our opinions are just thoughts that we accept as true. An opinion is nothing more than accepting what we believe based on what we assume is true. Opinions are often a mask to cover our feelings of fear and inadequacy.

3. Look at the thing you want to change from different points of view. People have different opinions and beliefs because they see the world from within their own minds. The world as they see it is different from the world as you see it. Even a close friend, relative or spouse sees the world from a different perspective. There is no one unique point of view. So don't be afraid to examine your beliefs and opinions.

4. When you are using your mind in this way you are using it as a tool. Your mind is a tool. You misuse it when you fret about something. When your worry about 'what if's' or regret 'should haves'. Focusing your mind on constructive projects, like changing some behavior in yourself, is using your mind for what it was intended. It is a tool.

5. After all, you choose to change and you choose what you want to change to. Choosing another point of view gives you control over yourself. And that is true very every person in you life. You cannot force others to think like you do. Their mind view of the world is not your mind view of the world. So choose a point of view that you are comfortable with that is different from you current point of view. Then everything will change in step with your new beliefs.

This requires you to do some careful mental self examination. This is where change begins. This shows that you are an adult and are ready to accept responsibility for your thoughts, words and actions.

This requires you to think about what you assume is true and real and what you know is real. A tree is real. How you picture it in your mind is just a memory of a tree. If you want to discover trees, you have to see the trees before you and examine each in detail.

I have known people to never allow themselves to review of their own thoughts and opinions. They cannot accept other peoples' interpretation of events. Only their opinion matters, and if you do not agree then you are their enemy.

I once had a neighbor ask me if my dogs were from the same litter.  One was a pure black cocker-spaniel and the other a grey shitsu-poodle mix. The cocker-spaniel had curly hair, a cropped tail and stood a full head above the shi-poo which had straight hair and a bushy tail.

I quickly realized that his internal image of a dog was just that, a dog was a a dog. He had never focused on the differences in breeds.

I once studied art from a book by Betty Edwards. In it she shows that some people never get passed how they learned to draw in grade school. Their idea of drawing a person is still a stick diagram.  In her book,  she shows how anyone who studies her system can upgrade their internal image of how to draw a person. It is a mental process of studying people in detail and updating how you see.

For years I tried to overcome my shyness so that I would feel in control when I sang before an audience. I've tried many techniques and recently tried self-hypnosis and reverse film techniques. These have been quite successful. So when I am preparing to sing on stage, I now only need to say to myself "You are a professional. You can do this. "  While I have not eliminated all the feelings I have, I do feel much more calm and in control in front of an audience. I also think appearing before an audience as often as I can has also helped.

The reverse film technique simply requires you to feel everything from start to finish of an episode when you start to feel shy and self-conscious, but to imagine it as a film running in reverse from when you feel shy to when the beginning just before you started to feel that way. Do it several times. This has the effect of "spoiling" your memory of the event.

You are the master of change in yourself. You can change, but only can choose. It may take time, and it may require much thinking and self-discipline, but you can change if you choose.